Tag Archives: Screw Flanders

Funny Writing Moment Today

This afternoon, I was working on a particularly boring article. Seriously, I can’t imagine how anyone’s going to read the fucking thing. But, I’m sure someone’s interested somewhere, validating the entire exercise. I have to fill around 600 words on this one (still not finished yet), and I have no idea how I’m going to get there.

Then, I remembered the experience of my mentor, Homer Simpson. When he had a gig as a food critic, his first assignment was a disaster. Homer J. lamented the fact that 500 words was so long. To reach the word count, he just repeated “Screw Flanders” over and over.

Obviously, the editor was not impressed.

Once I remembered this episode, I was stuck. I just couldn’t get Homer’s “solution” out of my head. So, I had to sit down and type “Screw Flanders” into the document several times. This gave me a chance to chuckle, delete the “effort” and move on with my article.

It really is amazing, the shit I have to do in order to stay focused. I’m not always this bad, but sometimes, the ADD just beats the hell out of me. Maybe I’ll finish the article tomorrow, unless I think of something else Homer Simpson did. Homer would be proud of himself, having kept someone else from getting any work done.

Word Count Frustrations

Ugh. I just filed a story last night (around 11:30 pm). Fingers crossed, it’ll run today. But, here’s what frustrates me. I have been dogging this damned thing for the better part of a month, and all I have to show for it is a 600-word article. Don’t get me wrong, the story needed 600 words to be told– no more, no less. So, it would stand to reason that that’s how long the article would be. It just irks me, only slightly, that a month’s effort can be captured in that small an article. I had to fight the urge to run “Screw Flanders” over and over– the way Homer Simpson did when he was a food critic.

Well, aside from my griping, it’s in, and I’m waiting. I hope this piece will go today. I really want to see some payout on all this work. I’m pretty happy with the results.

I guess I ought to head off to day job now. I have plenty on my plate there, too. I’m looking forward to doing (a lot of) writing today.

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