Tag Archives: day job

End of the Week

Photo by Bryce Longton

Photo by Bryce Longton

Fridays always suck. It’s my big deadline day at day job, which was “enhanced” by the fact that I had to go to the annual holiday party tonight. I’m not really a party guy, so it was a bit of a drag. I got out early and headed back to my neighborhood. It’s good to be home.

So, now it’s time to fuck off for a bit. I’m sifting through two books right now — Generation Kill by Evan Wright and Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. The former is for the nightstand, the latter for the bathroom. It works.

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I’m back, for a second

The past week has been gruelling, non-stop at day job, and I’ve been putting in nights for CPA Magazine and a few others. So, my blogging fell of a bit. I think I’m clear of the insanity for a while, though. Time to enjoy the fruits of my labors. I’m in the current issue of New York magazine, for a contribution I made to the Winter Travel edition. I added a few lines to the story on Reykjavik, Iceland. Also, I’ve been busy at TraderDaily.com. My latest piece is on hunting for art in Helsinki.

Currently, I’m working on a story for a major national. It’s exciting … and killing me that I can’t release any details yet. I’ll say something just as soon as I can.

Do I see the light? Well, kinda

Held hostage by my chosen profession

Held hostage by my chosen profession

I haven’t put anything up here in more than a week. I have been absolutely upside-down jammed with working both jobs. I filed stories for New York magazine and British GQ since I last blogged, and I’m working on another for my dream publication (no names yet, sorry). And, of course, I’m still cranking out articles like crazy for CPA Magazine — I finished three last night and have another five or six to crank out this weekend.

But, I’m still finding time to have some fun. Ron Melendi, the manager of De La Concha, is launching a new blog, and I’ll be helping to fill it with content over the coming weeks, months and years. Also, though I haven’t been writing here, I have been writing. And pitching. I came close to Conde Nast Portfolio. It didn’t work, so I still have a kickass story to pitch around.

Day job has been keeping me pretty busy, as well, but you know I’m not going to talk much about that here. But, if you see my boss, tell him to give me the weekend off. I could use it.

I just want some fucking Expo whiteboard cleaner

I can’t think right now. I can’t focus. I can’t string a fucking sentence together. And it’s driving me up a goddamned wall. This happens to me a few times a year, and when it does, it is brutal. So, here I am, with plenty to write and lacking the sense to be able to do so. I’ve tried all my tricks today, and nothing has worked. Nothing at all. I feel like a mental patient.

So, realizing that productivity wasn’t going to happen today, I wandered the floor of day job looking for expo cleaner. My plan was pretty simple. If I can’t write, I’ll plan. I have several editorial calendars that I manage, and writer’s block (how I hate those words) would force me to think ahead rather than just crank out copy. Since the conference room is taken, I figured I’d just hijack my boss’s office (he’s not in there) and use his whiteboard. Unfortunately, his whiteboard is a fucking mess, as he does not clean it. He probably doesn’t clean it because it’s my handwriting all over the board, and he suspects I’ll blow a gasket when he erases something I need. So, that’s my own damned fault, too.

Anyway, I need to clean this whiteboard. The problem is that NOBODY IN MY FUCKING COMPANY HAS ANY EXPO WHITEBOARD CLEANER. I mean, why the fuck would we need it? We only have several whiteboards per department. We have floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall whiteboards in every fucking conference room. Why in the fuck would be bother to keep the very shit on hand needed to clean them?

Expo cleaner is pretty common. I went to Google to do a search on this product– just curious. As you can see below, the product is common enough that Google prompts you with several variations on this theme. There are many ways to find and acquire Expo whiteboard cleaning products.

A Google search on “expo white board cleaner” yields more than 3,000 results. The world has embraced this product, yet I can’t find any. The absence of it has rendered me completely unproductive. I mean, fuck, I have several bottles of this shit AT HOME.

It seriously should not be this fucking hard. Don’t wind up like me. Go buy some Expo whiteboard cleaner right now >>

Funny Writing Moment Today

This afternoon, I was working on a particularly boring article. Seriously, I can’t imagine how anyone’s going to read the fucking thing. But, I’m sure someone’s interested somewhere, validating the entire exercise. I have to fill around 600 words on this one (still not finished yet), and I have no idea how I’m going to get there.

Then, I remembered the experience of my mentor, Homer Simpson. When he had a gig as a food critic, his first assignment was a disaster. Homer J. lamented the fact that 500 words was so long. To reach the word count, he just repeated “Screw Flanders” over and over.

Obviously, the editor was not impressed.

Once I remembered this episode, I was stuck. I just couldn’t get Homer’s “solution” out of my head. So, I had to sit down and type “Screw Flanders” into the document several times. This gave me a chance to chuckle, delete the “effort” and move on with my article.

It really is amazing, the shit I have to do in order to stay focused. I’m not always this bad, but sometimes, the ADD just beats the hell out of me. Maybe I’ll finish the article tomorrow, unless I think of something else Homer Simpson did. Homer would be proud of himself, having kept someone else from getting any work done.