Tag Archives: redneck

The Government Controls the Weather

When I was at the cigar shop on Sunday, I tried to ignore everyone. I had a lot of writing to do, so there wasn’t much time to fuck around. But, when this happens, someone usually says something so stupid that I have to respond. I tend to regret it.

Sunday, the conversation turned to the situation in Houston, specifically what rednecks were saying in television interviews. For some reason, I piped up with my father’s line, “You know, Bush does have his hurricane machine. He controls the weather.”

Big mistake.

One smoker, who is something of a B-list celebrity, looked at me as a kindred spirit and said, “You know about that, too?”

Oh, fuck.

He went on to explain that the government has had a weather-controlling contraption since the 1930s and sugggested that I look into HAARP. No, I will not provide a link. I did a quick Google search while sitting in the shop and found a website. I began to read it to the crowd. I was not able to keep a straight face … the material was pure idiocy.

Meanwhile, my newfound comrade-in-arms nodded approvingly. when I finished, he said, “See, I’m not into conspiracy theories. This is real.”

I concurred, “It’s on the internet. It must be true.”

Laughter.

Why does this shit happen to me?