I just want some fucking Expo whiteboard cleaner

I can’t think right now. I can’t focus. I can’t string a fucking sentence together. And it’s driving me up a goddamned wall. This happens to me a few times a year, and when it does, it is brutal. So, here I am, with plenty to write and lacking the sense to be able to do so. I’ve tried all my tricks today, and nothing has worked. Nothing at all. I feel like a mental patient.

So, realizing that productivity wasn’t going to happen today, I wandered the floor of day job looking for expo cleaner. My plan was pretty simple. If I can’t write, I’ll plan. I have several editorial calendars that I manage, and writer’s block (how I hate those words) would force me to think ahead rather than just crank out copy. Since the conference room is taken, I figured I’d just hijack my boss’s office (he’s not in there) and use his whiteboard. Unfortunately, his whiteboard is a fucking mess, as he does not clean it. He probably doesn’t clean it because it’s my handwriting all over the board, and he suspects I’ll blow a gasket when he erases something I need. So, that’s my own damned fault, too.

Anyway, I need to clean this whiteboard. The problem is that NOBODY IN MY FUCKING COMPANY HAS ANY EXPO WHITEBOARD CLEANER. I mean, why the fuck would we need it? We only have several whiteboards per department. We have floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall whiteboards in every fucking conference room. Why in the fuck would be bother to keep the very shit on hand needed to clean them?

Expo cleaner is pretty common. I went to Google to do a search on this product– just curious. As you can see below, the product is common enough that Google prompts you with several variations on this theme. There are many ways to find and acquire Expo whiteboard cleaning products.

A Google search on “expo white board cleaner” yields more than 3,000 results. The world has embraced this product, yet I can’t find any. The absence of it has rendered me completely unproductive. I mean, fuck, I have several bottles of this shit AT HOME.

It seriously should not be this fucking hard. Don’t wind up like me. Go buy some Expo whiteboard cleaner right now >>

4 thoughts on “I just want some fucking Expo whiteboard cleaner

  1. Der Alte

    Take a Boston-based yuppie and transplant him in Manhattan and he just becomes more and more helpless and unable to apply the common sense he once had as a kid.

    The solution to cleaning your white board is baking soda. 50-cents a box (unless you want the name brand Arm & Hammer, but that somehow seems commie). You can brush your teeth with it, too. The URL below even has a video to make it easy for the mechanically-challenged.

    http://www.wikihow.com/Erase-Old-Marks-off-a-Dry-Erase-Board

    Reply
  2. migrantblogger Post author

    Take a man who works from his home and introduce him to an office problem and he becomes less and less likely to identify the common sense that even a child should have.

    Unlike your home, we don’t keep a whole lot of baking soda around the office. A trip outside the office for baking soda would be just as easy as a trip outside the office for Expo cleaner.

    Reply
  3. Der Alte

    “Unlike your home, we don’t keep a whole lot of baking soda around the office. A trip outside the office for baking soda would be just as easy as a trip outside the office for Expo cleaner.”

    Just one trip outside the office for a box of baking soda would solve many office problems, not to mention those at home.

    Dr. Seuss should have contrived a ditty for baking soda. It has hundreds upon hundreds of practical uses– just google ‘uses for baking soda’ and see what pops up, many of which could make you an office hero. My favorite, for example, is this:

    54. When scalding a chicken, add 1 tsp. of soda to the boiling water. The feathers will come off easier and flesh will be clean and white.

    See what I mean? While everyone else is still trying to rip feathers out of a chicken, you’ll be eating chicken salad.

    Reply

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